You’ve not been the first to say so - but I have difficulty in seeing it, or even recognizing it. I fear I might have damaged something irreparably when turning myself into a soldier.

[ Perhaps an ocean to jump into wouldn’t be thorough enough, a volcano? ] Fucking hell this is mortifying.

[ And betraying just how distressed and conflicted he is, cursing like that. ]

I don’t know! I do not know. I don’t know what I want, what is possible, what I’m capable of - and this entire truth of the matter is why I view myself as so terrible at relationships as a whole!