I enjoy being brought to a point where I am either too aroused or otherwise brought past my inhibitions and doubt where I can admit such things. Even if I feel I shouldn't enjoy it, which I also realize is a false judgement because I would not judge you in the same position. I understand what I feel and think do not make any logical sense, and that makes it all the more frustrating and embarrassing for me to come to terms with it all.

[ He allowed Quattro to push him back, looking at him with clear interest. ]

[ And immediately blushed when it's a knee-massage he gets. Still, he didn't complain. It did feel rather nice, the surrounding tendons stiff with the cold of the season. ]

I would tie you up, and do a great many things to you. But - as selfish as it makes me - I won't be able to bring myself to harm you intimately the way I ask for in turn. I apologize. Merely imagining it already has me feeling cold, and I cannot say why I am unable to give that to you as you do for me. I ... I don't know why. [ His lips twisted in frustration. ]