Ten Things to Ten People

[ezra_of_lothal]

Ten Things to Ten People

[An anonymous post appears on the Folkmore network:]

Welcome to Folkmore's Ten Things to Ten People meme!

Sometimes we all have trouble saying things we really want to say to people, or feel like there are reasons we shouldn't. But getting it off your chest can be good.

- Pick ten people (or however many you want, I'm not your boss) to write brief messages to them specifically. Negative or Positive. Post them, anon, or you're really brave, attached to a screen name.
- Do not say who they are meant for.
- Everyone is free to respond, or even guess for whom the message is intended.


[[OOC: This meme is IC. Ten messages not required, that's just the traditional meme name. And, as always, memes can be game canon, if you decide you them want it to be!]]

Comments

[peaceistheway]

Do you believe this person is truly incapable of self-control?

[cursedpromises]

No, that’s not what I’m saying either?

Have you ever felt. Like. So badly about stuff you just … feel like falling apart? Especially when you feel completely alone?

When people don’t have others they can rely on or trust, it can really mess them up. That’s true for anybody.

[peaceistheway]

I have felt that way through large parts of my life, intimately, including the parts about feeling alone. I have been falling apart, these last weeks, all over again, although thankfully I am not completely alone.

And I killed people, in rage and grief and fear, the first time my whole was torn apart. I was, as you say, very messed up.

My caution to you is not born of naivety.

[cursedpromises]

I’m glad you’re not alone now. Seriously. Do you want to talk about it? Even though we’re strangers?

… I mean, I’m not judging you. I’m not being naive, either. But if you had someone you could’ve trusted could take all that anger and not break - if someone like me could’ve made sure nobody else had to die …

[peaceistheway]

Thank you for your kind offer, truly. My current grief is no secret. And I am seeking counseling.

[There's a long pause before another message comes through.]

In a way, I did have someone like that, although we fought only with words. Well, two people, really. Both who guarded my life until that war, when I was young, was over. One was a mentor of sorts, and his student, who was my age, and became someone I love most dearly.

We were reunited here, you see, that man the student grew into. Without all the obstacles in our lives, keeping us apart, if we did not wish them to. And now he is gone again. Along with one of my only remaining blood kin, who I finally had a chance to reconcile with.

So, I agree that being able to trust someone deeply, is often needed to heal. But it was not his ability to 'take' my anger then made me love and trust him, I don't think. It was that he stood up to me. That he made me re-examine my beliefs. That he let me fall apart, with him. He made me want to be a better person.

[cursedpromises]

That’s the power that love, that friendship, that bonds with other people really has. Without a friend, a lover, a person who cares for you and you can trust … things can quickly fall apart.

It’s just harder to do things on your own.

I’m really glad you had that. And I’m really sorry that they’re gone. That love doesn’t go away, but I know you’d want them both here. I know that I’d be hurting if I didn’t have the people I love so much here, too.

But for this person … they’ve lost that person they loved and trusted. They’ve lost that person they rely on. And I’m not the same to them - I know I can’t be that for them. They’ll probably never trust me.

So, since I can’t be their friend, since they won’t let me in that way … I can take being someone they’d hate instead, if that helps them. Or if not hate, at least somebody they can get out some of that loneliness in a fight. Since I can’t do anything else to fix this.

[peaceistheway]

Are you certain that you are not underestimating both of you? Their capacity to trust, to learn and grow. Your capacity to be supportive.

I simply don't see how someone not just feeling those things but *indulging* them, to the point of leaning into hate and doing harm, can actually help them heal. I realize that it can be a fine line.

[cursedpromises]

All that learning and growing can happen for sure. But that stuff takes time. And sometimes pressure can build quickly.

I mean maybe it’s not the best thing, but I don’t have a better answer. Sometimes you have to handle things the way they are with the tools you have. At least I’m durable.

[peaceistheway]

If you are set on this course, then please take care. But just of your body, but of your heart and mind. It would be easy, I think, to slip into believing you deserve harm, on some level. Or perhaps some other mindset that could do lasting harm to you, that I cannot foresee.

[cursedpromises]

I really get what you're saying? And it's good advice. I really hope if someone else sounded like this you'd say it for them, too, not just me.

My situation is kind of complicated, though? It's not really worth getting into all the details, but. I really am okay. This kind of thing is what I'm meant to do.

[peaceistheway]

I count as beloved those who have sworn their very lives to service and who train themselves to lay those lives down to protect others, if needed. I understand to some extent, I think.